I’m sorry…what just happened?

In the span of mere hours, the DeMarcus Cousins trade went from whisper to rumour to report (and now we await league confirmation).

I’ve taken more time to cook TV dinners, and that’s essentially what the Kings got back in this completely lopsided trade. This feels like a bad impulse decision made in the freezer aisle, when you’re hungry (to make a move) and you really don’t think things through; or visit other aisles (talk to other teams) to check out better options.

(Sidebar: Where is David Stern in all this, to stop the deal for “basketball reasons”? Yes, I know he’s not in power, but I guarantee he heard this deal, he was pacing around his living room in his velvet rope, arms a-flailing everywhere, looking for a way to exert some power. Maybe he made the dog marry the cat. Anyways, back to the trade.)

So let’s look at what the Cousins deal put on the table for the Kings, Hungry Man style. It’s a Roasted Carved White Meat Turkey meal for Sacramento, broken down by each flavourless item:

  • The White Meat with Gravy – 2017 1st Round Pick Pick: The meat of the deal… it’s Top 3 protected, and unless the lottery balls fall favourably, this pick will end up in Sacramento. There’s some value here, if you can stomach it.
  • That Mashed Potato Paste – 2017 2nd Round Pick: It kinda goes well with the meat when you smush them together. With this pick, Sacramento hopes to get some sort of return in a late round gamble. Maybe it can be another Isaiah Thomas, who’s blossomed into an NBA All-Star (wait… you drafted Thomas already and let him go? Sigh.)
  • The Stuffing BitsBuddy Hield: You ever pick at the stuffing and ask “How old is this??” The same can be said for Buddy Hield, who is older than Anthony Davis (only 23, but very old for a rookie), and will most likely wither away in Sacramento. Thanks for coming out, Buddy.
  • That Cranberry GelTyreke Evans: When you swirl around the cranberry gel, you wonder when it expired. For Tyreke, his contract is done at the end of the season. Like the gel, it’s not staying in the system for long.
  • Veggie MixLangston Galloway: The veggie mix is intended to fill up space on the plate, and doesn’t offer a lot of flavour. That’s what Galloway is going to do on the bench, if they don’t immediately waive him.

Yep, that’s what the Kings got back for a 2016 Olympian. Sacramento has lost any reason whatsoever to tune in to one of their games! The Kings have 25 games to lose as many as possible to get a better pick in a very good 2017 draft class.

Meanwhile the Pelicans start an interesting experiment in pairing two All-World bigs in the same lineup, in a land where small ball rules. The Pelicans have 25 games to close a 2.5 game gap to move into the 8-seed in the Western Conference.

Thanks Sacramento. You temporarily distracted the world from the Westbrook / KD beef. But next time, perhaps shop around before buying!

Cousins Deal Doesn’t Satisfy the Appetite

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